DON’T PUNISH PAIN RALLY

Hello to all my friends,

Let’s get right to it:

THE “DON’T PUNISH PAIN RALLY” will take place on Saturday, April 7, 2018 at 12 p.m. EST, in all states, with the exception of Hawaii and Alaska.

What is the mission of this rally? Well, the CDC guidelines, and about 1,000 other factors,  have made it nearly impossible for doctors to treat their patients’ pain, adequately, due to the “OVERCORRECTING” of the illicit Fentanyl/Heroin overdosing epidemic.

In order to have a successful rally, I feel that spokespersons should be at each rally and a team should be in place to assist the spokesperson. Maybe I’m going about it the wrong way, but I’m relying on my gut instinct.

I’m looking for one or more spokespersons to represent their state. What is involved with being a spokesperson?

  1. You need to pass a background check, and that’s for the safety of the community.
  2. You need to find a venue. I thought the Statehouse would be a great place but it may not be convenient for your state. You know your state better than I. Maybe the place where your State Fair is held,  the city hall, a local park is a better option. Don’t stress….we’re going to help you.
  3. Contact your local news/media outlets (they have tip lines) and send them information regarding the rally. You may want to share your personal experience, or just educate the media, how millions have been affected by the CDC guidelines or opioid-related laws that are on the books in YOUR state. You need to educate these people. If they’re not sick, they’re clueless about “OUR EPIDEMIC.”
  4. Anybody can be the spokesperson; a spouse, friend, family member, priest, doctor, lawyer; someone you feel comfortable with. The spokesperson will receive a script and should rely on that, when the media asks him/her questions as to why they’re having a rally.
  5. Lastly, everybody who has been affected should WRITE THEIR SENATORS OR SET UP MEETINGS WITH THEIR AIDES. I prefer snail mail because the e-mail just gets bounced back with a generic letter.

And guess what? 2018 is an election year!! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 33 Senate seats are up for re-election on November 6, 2018.

BAM!   POW!    TAKE THAT!  KA-BLAM!!

If you can’t be a spokesperson and you can’t be at the rally, what can you do????? Write your senators, your Department of Health, your attorney general; share the rally on Twitter, Twatter…whatever the hell it’s called…share it on FB, Instgram…share it on your support group. Or WRITE IT ON YOUR FOREHEAD WHEN YOU GO GROCERY SHOPPING!!

If you have an idea…RUN WITH IT…SHARE..SHARE..SHARE..SPREAD THE WORD!! WE WANT NUMBERS AT THE RALLY.

Look…I get you’re sick. I’m sick, too. If you can’t leave your house, I get it. But there’s 400 other things you can do.

If you go to the rally and a friend can’t be there, bring a pair of shoes to represent their presence. Copy the “DON’T PUNISH PAIN” logo and attach it to a pin.

SCREAM IT FROM THE MOUNTAIN TOP!!

THE SKY’S THE LIMIT!!

Or…we can just complain and do nothing.

YOU PICK……….DO YOU WANT TO DO SOMETHING OR DO NOTHING????

If you want to be a spokesperson, email me at cmerandi1@cox.net

LASTLY:

If you decide to read any of my blogs, they are R rated. So if you’re a Christian IMG_20171120_191649.jpgand you’re easily offended, DON’T SCROLL DOWN.

If you need me to advocate for you, please message me using MESSENGER ON FB. I usually respond within the hour.

Most importantly, pay it forward. If I advocate for you, please reach out and help someone that’s hurting, that’s depressed. “DO….DON’T SAY.”

I love you all. I’m honored that you call me, write me, e-mail me, and confide in me.

YOU MAKE ME STRONG; YOU MAKE ME WANT TO FIGHT HARDER EACH DAY; YOU MAKE ME TRAIN HARDER EACH DAY AT THE GYM.

Remember….you have a friend in Providence, Rhode Island.

(“DOTTY ON POTTY” is being illustrated as we speak. Most of the proceeds go to the Merandi Foundation which will assist people with their health-related expenses.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please don’t be intimidated by the role of spokesperson. We need to have one at every rally. When the media arrives, they’re going to want to talk with somebody and that’s the spokesperson. And you’ll know exactly what to say without the media twisting your words? YOU KNOW WHY??? Because I am going to interview you as many times, as many times as it takes, until you’re comfortable. And if you’re not comfortable speaking with the media, your teammate will happily take over.

Look…we can sit on FB, complain about the problem, complain that our spouses don’t take the trash out…(WAIT..WRONG BLOG)…or we can ACT!!

So..who’s with me? I have 48 states and only 60 spokespersons.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There have been plenty of folks that have messaged me to tell me, “You’re wasting your time” or “This isn’t how you go about it.”

So, to those people I say: Either support the rally or shut your mouth. Who knows? Maybe the rally will be a bust. Or the rally could be an amazing day, for some very sick people to meet one another, support one another, and just have a day to RALLY!!

 

 

“SHARE OUR PAIN RALLY DETAILS”

Hey friends,

I could not find a trademark attached to “SHARE OUR PAIN.” If that’s the case, no worries, I can find another name.

This is going to be a quick blog. I apologize if I miss any errors.

I have secured the Rhode Island Statehouse, for the nationwide rally, which is taking place NATIONWIDE on April 7 2018, 12 p.m EST. No permit was needed and no fee was applicable. But I had to call the proper person so it could be scheduled.

Each state will need a spokesperson or two, depending on the size of the state, plus an alternate, in case the spokesperson takes ill. If you’re very ill, the spokesperson role would probably not suit you. But we have other roles. And, obviously, we want a good presence so just having you, your family and friends, would be great. After all, the chronically ill are not the only ones affected, but family and friends are as well, when we get sick.

All spokespersons will need to pass a background check and that is for the safety of the community. Some states may have a police presence. We won’t know until the day of the rally.

Every few days, a new state will be announced on my FB page. If you don’t follow me, you’ll have to. I apologize but between advocating and preparing the rally, I can only check one form of social media..and for myself, FB is the quickest.

I’m starting with the “A” states. Today, Alabama was called. If you are interested in being a spokesperson for Alabama, please PM me on FB.

If you are interested in being a team member…an integral part of the process….please e-mail me at cmerandi1@cox.net. I am looking for lawyers, doctors, police officers (retired or not), or people that are passionate about the cause and feel comfortable speaking with the general public.

The location will vary state to state. I chose Saturday because there’s more parking available at State/City office buildings. Most states do not require a permit but you do need to reserve your location. A team member will assist the spokesperson with this process.

Nationwide media coverage is our goal. 50 states, same time, same day, different locations (statehouse, city hall.)  I hope I have addressed most of your questions. If not, DM me.

Once again, today, we are calling out the great State of Alabama!!

Spokespersons are to message me on FB

Team members are to e mail me directly. cmerandi1@cox.net

 

 

 

 

Crohn’s and Raising Kids

On this Christmas morning, I would like to extend to all, a beautiful Christmas, a healthy, pain-free year, and a year that brings change to the chronically ill community. WE’RE BEING HEARD!!

I decided to write this blog today, because, quite frankly, I’ve never had a good Christmas. Even as a child, my mom would kill herself for all four children, while my dad sat and watched this poor woman run around trying to please everyone. There was always tension in the air on holidays. I felt the tension but I don’t know if my siblings did.

Now, as a mom to two, Francesca 16, and Ava 12, I have very different struggle than my mom did. When you’re a parent, and you suffer from Crohn’s, you now have an extra hard job raising children. Being healthy and raising kids is one thing….having Crohn’s/UC and raising kids, as a single mom/dad that’s fucking insanity.

Ava is very kind, always with me; she’s my side piece. She’s content just “being.” No frills, no fucking fancy anything. Just being chill is Ava’s thing. I’m not with Ava’s dad but he lets me be a mom. And although I hate his guts today, I’ll be fine with him tomorrow. Last night, the toilet overflowed at my cousin’s house and I spent the night unplugging two toilets that overflowed in the shower. Had Todd had his phone on, (HE’S A PLUMBER) maybe I wouldn’t have had to Wet Vac a tub filled with cabbage/salad like diarrhea out of the shower. My cousins were all vomiting because they’re not accustomed to such a sight. Merry Christmas Eve to me!!

Francesca is very different and I have had struggles with Francesca since she was a 9. Poor kid was raised in the hospital. Do I feel guilt? Not any more. I used to cry myself to sleep because of all the guilt that came along with spending every fucking holiday, birthday, Thanksgiving, in the hospital. Some days, I couldn’t WAIT TO GET TO THE HOSPITAL. Running the business, fighting custody dad, raising kids, fighting Crohn’s..I couldn’t wait to get admitted.  The hospital was a welcome break. There….I said it…that’s right….I would WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!

Sadly, all the bullshit with Francesca’s father has taken a toll on my relationship with my child. Francesca isn’t nice to me. It’s been this way for a while. Since the book came out, it’s even worse. Francesca lives an entitled life. And I mean entitled. But when I hear her say, “Oh, the cleaning people will do it,” I die a little inside. Her dad has cleaning people. But at my house, I’m the cleaning people. And when you’re at my house, guess what, you’re the cleaning people. It’s not the age…it’s who she is, it’s who her dad is. But my kid is making me unhealthy. And I have another kid that needs me. My Francesca told me she’s happier with her dad. Who wouldn’t be? There’s no rules. You have the finest of everything at your fingertips and you don’t have to work for anything, so she’s going where the better deal is. So guess what? I let her go. I had to. And it killed me and it continues to hurt.

My mom said, “Let her know the door is open.” Nope. The door is closed. But once you learn respect, once you learn how to treat people with compassion, the door will reopen.

I know my illness robbed my girls of many things but they also always received the finest of everything. Ava always says thank you and is very appreciative of the little things…. Francesca not so much. Ava will text me and ask, “Mom, are you okay?” Francesca will text me, “Come get me.”

I have a problem with that. I have a problem with children being disrespectful.

Now, the past four weeks, I’ve been sick. I’ve been sick since Thanksgiving. And the Francesca situation stresses the shit out of me, which leads me to get sicker. That’s how Crohn’s affects me. I get stressed and I get sick. If I cry for a long time, I get really sick. Today, I should be in the hospital receiving fluids. But I’m actually too tired to go to the ER for fluids.

I had to make a decision: Do I let Francesca rule the roost? Do I let her take the whole family unit down, just like her dad did? Or do I put my foot down and implement tough love? That’s a hard one, right?

But at 45, I’ve had to reinvent myself, regain my health, regain my life. Do I throw it all away again because of my child? The answer is no. I want my health. I want my peace of mind. And until my child learns to cherish me, that door will remain closed.

It’s a tough decision. But I know my self worth. I know I’m a good mom. And I deserve more than what I’m getting in return from my child. And with Crohn’s, it’s a fucking fight, every single day, just staying healthy.

I choose life. I’m sad. It’s a tough decision.

I speak with many of you, who, ironically, are in the same situation. I can’t believe how many of you are single parents, with Crohn’s, fighting the same battle. I thought I was alone. Nope. There’s millions of us. I do love my child..I just don’t like her very much. I don’t like her ways. I don’t like how she treats people.

Now, YOU have to make the right decision. But your decision may be different than mine. And that’s fine. I respect your decision. But as parents living with Crohn’s, we need to find the right balance.

We all have different Crohn’s and we all have a different balance. Find your balance. Keep your health, though. It’s worth more. I can repair my relationship with my kid, (I HOPE)  but I don’t know how I can repair my health, especially on days like this.

So, today, this blog is dedicated to the parents, struggling with Crohn’s, trying to find their balance. I commend you. I respect you. xoxo

Please reach out if you’re struggling to find management or you just need a friend. “THE ER COMPASSION BILL FOR THE CHRONIC ILLNESS COMMUNITY” will be endorsed and sponsored in 2018.

Thank you for supporting “Crohn’s Disease, the other “C” Word”..Available on Amazon 4.00 Kindle or paperback 14.99.

My children’s book: “Dotty on the Potty” and “Louie on the Loo” will be available in February. Portion of the proceeds will go to the Merandi Foundation, providing people in the community with financial help.

The Crohn’s Diaries is an R RATED Podcast. It’s coming your way.

Stay strong….remember, you have a friend in Providence, Rhode Island

Family Pic

“OUR” PAIN EPIDEMIC

Hey, bitches and boos:

This past week, we’ve made progress. We’re getting there. WE’RE BEING HEARD!! Let’s keep our cool. There’s definitely changes, but with change, sometimes good things can happen.

So I interviewed a pain management guy and he was SO COOL. I don’t know if you guys saw my feed about but it went well and he explained things to me in a way that I never could see before.

THE FOLLOWING WERE HIS VIEWS

  1. He cannot prescribe Fentanyl patches any more. He wouldn’t tell me why.
  2. He doesn’t believe a person on pain management should have breakthrough pain.
  3. If you have breakthrough pain, he’s not doing his job properly.
  4. He believes surgeons are not putting in the appropriate orders for pain meds after surgery.
  5. Hospitalists are not doing their job correctly and he’s fearful this will lead to further detriment
  6. Hospitalists think every person is a drug seeker.
  7. He believes the opioid epidemic will actually get worse because of the neglect the chronically ill are receiving.
  8. Even though he’s a pain specialist, he would rather NOT see people on opioids.
  9. Crohn’s Disease SHOULD be treated by palliative care.
  10. The laws need to change regarding palliative care.
  11. Lastly, all diseases that have no cure, are painful, should be acknowledged by palliative care.
  12. He doesn’t agree with PCPs NOT writing scripts for their patients. Lawmakers are basically killing us.
  13. Lastly, he said I have a big mouth. (NO SHIT)

Over the next two weeks, I’m PRAYING I get to interview a colorectal surgeon and a chief of hospitalists at one of my local hospitals.

Okay, guys, if you’re struggling to get your pain meds, you REALLY need to do the following.

  1. Get on your local Pain Advocacy Group. Mine is called RI Pain Advocacy Group. (VALORIE PUT UP PAGES IN EVERY STATE)
  2. You need to keep in contact with you PCP, GI, Urologist…ALL OF THEM.
  3. I can’t send letters to your PCP to help you get on pain management if there is no PCP.
  4. Before you go to the ER, you call your PCP or your GI. It’s THEIR job to let the  ER know you’re coming in and what you suffer from.
  5. If your hospitalist is a fucking moron, you get their name and, while they stand before you, you ask for their license number.
  6. If you’re treated unkindly at the ER, same thing.
  7. I need this information so I can advocate for you and file the necessary complaints.

Let’s talk about depression.

There’s a lot of it right now. Today I spoke with a lovely lady from North Carolina. She was sobbing. It broke my heart. We talked. I said, “Girl, what brings you happiness?” She told me that she likes to make cards. So I told her to make cards until her fingers fall off. If you’re sad, you need to go back to the place where your happiness was. Every person God created has a place of where their happiness stems from. For me, I studied voice for many years and singing brings me back to a place of solace.

If you’re sad and you can battle depression without meds, find something…JUST ONE THING….that makes you happy. Now, there’s some people, I find, that are just plain assholes and nothing can make them happy. (THAT DOESN’T APPLY TO MY PAGE) That’s because they’re assholes. I choose not to surround myself with assholes. They bring me down. I’m proud to say, We are an ASSHOLE-FREE PAGE!!

Many of you have been asking why I don’t create a page. SIMPLE ANSWER: I just learned how to copy and paste…creating a page seems daunting. But, more importantly, groups have rules. And when you’re sick, and you have diarrhea running down your leg, do you really want to be somewhere where there’s rules? Fuck no. So as long as DON’T post pictures of your junk and send me creepy messages, like the naked man that called me a homily beast, post away on my page.

And in case you didn’t notice, um….I don’t follow rules well. But I respect all the support groups I’m involved in. So I do respect their rules.

If you’re sad, going through disability, have questions about pain meds….anything…you reach out to me. I’ll get you through it. Okay?

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for supporting Crohn’s..the other C Word. (C WORD DOES NOT MEAN CANCER).

My hopes for my children’s book: proceeds from the book go to my foundation and I can help you pay for ostomy supplies, toilet paper, co-pays, Uber rides to the ER when nobody is there to take you. So that’s in the works.

If you’re doing the 3 for 3 diet plan…rock it!! Water, no bread or pasta for three weeks. (HALF GALLON WATER DAILY)

Stay well, stay positive as fuck…and remember…you have a friend in Providence, Rhode Island.

 

 

Why do we get sick holiday time?

Hey folks,

Why is it whenever there’s a birthday, Easter, Christmas, Thanksgiving, or any other event that we plan on attending, we get sick?

Well, I have a theory on this past week (Thanksgiving.)

Most of the moms run around like fucking insane people, trying to make the absolutely perfect holiday meal. (dads are included.) We can’t go to one store..no…we have to go to, at least, seven, so we can appropriately torture our bodies.

After we hit the seven stores for food, we need to get our children the perfect outfit to wear on Thanksgiving. You know why? Nobody gives a shit..that’s why. They don’t care what our kids are wearing.

Once everybody arrives for the feast, we all gather around the table, say grace, and then we eat everything that’s going to destroy our stomach. The feast is done in 15 minutes. We’ve killed ourselves, to sit at the table, for 15 minutes. Then we sit down, again, for another ten minutes, for dessert.

By this time, many of us hate some of our relatives and can’t wait for them to get the F out of our homes.

Everybody has left and you’re stuck with a beautiful mess to clean up. But first you have to put the food away. Now, you have to find the lids for the Tupperware containers to put the food in. But there’s not one lid in sight. WHERE DO THE LIDS DISAPPEAR TO????

This is the time I silently start to say my favorite word: the C word. (Shhh..don’t be horrified. It’s just a word.) Nobody is there to help me. What the fuck is going on? Where is everybody? If I had a husband, he probably wouldn’t be helping me clean so I’m probably better off being single.

I look at the clock and I’m exhausted. I’ve had diarrhea, at least, 15 times in two hours because I ate turkey, which most healthy people can’t digest without problems; and I had all the fixins to go with it.

GUESS WHAT?? We’re having a flare. You know why? We killed ourselves in preparation for a meal that lasted 30 minutes AND we ate shit we weren’t supposed to eat.

The next day, we feel like we’ve been run over by a truck. We’re so tired. Our joints hurt and we’re dehydrated. For the next four days, we’re going to suffer.

Now, in my case, I missed just about every celebratory occasion there was for eight years. By the time the holiday arrived, I would be in a full-blown flare and would need to get admitted.

WHY DO WE DO THIS TO OURSELVES?

Well, guess what??? I don’t. Those days are gone. I can remember, sweating like a nun in a prison rodeo, trying to get the perfect holiday pic of my kids. All three (Todd’s son at the time was the third kid) had to be dressed alike and positioned just so..so everybody could open my card, look at it, and throw it in the trash.

Nope. I stopped that shit years ago. The big, fancy dinners, with the perfect place settings…..gone. Paper plates are making a comeback.

I could give three shits about what my kids are wearing. Ava could have, easily, passed for a homeless person yesterday at the mall. I didn’t give a shit. Francesca walked around with a sad/solemn look on her face, while I’m spending MY money on her. But I don’t give a shit. She’ll just get more wrinkles and then she can pay for her own Botox.

You see, now that I’ve almost died several times due to Crohn’s,  I have learned to embrace the small things in life. Just having my girls together and my mom is perfect.

I still make our holidays special but I don’t kill myself anymore trying to achieve something that I thought was supposed to be a certain way.

Running around like a nut, eating food that’s going to hurt our tummies, well, that equals an all-expense trip paid to the hospital..but, now, you get no pain medication.

How about this: this Christmas, we take it easy. Give yourself a Christmas gift: HEALTH.

For those of you following my fitness/diet plan, remember, we want to do things in moderation. The holiday is over. It’s a cheat meal..not a cheat month. Now is the time to up your water intake. If you have leftover goodies, throw them out. You’ll thank your ass. Throw it all out. Thanksgiving is over. Get on the bitch and see how much you gained. The bitch will hold you accountable. (BITCH IS THE NAME FOR THE SCALE.) Now’s the time to up your cardio if you’re healthy enough to train.

So, today, start eating clean again, keep the bitch out in front of your closet, have a bottle of water in your hand all day, and keep up the cardio. Many of you have contacted me regarding your success with this plan and I couldn’t be happier for you!! Keep up the good work!! If you want to eat around 9 p.m. at night, go to bed. It’s not worth the extra water weight.

Lastly, thank you for you inspirational words regarding my book, “CROHN’S DISEASE…THE OTHER C WORD..CROHN’S DISEASE, COURT REPORTING, AND CUSTODY BATTLES.” I’m truly blessed. Many of you have already pre-ordered the book and I thank you. You can pre-order it now on Amazon for 4.99 and it will be on your device on December 4th. Or you can order the paperback version on December 4th. You can get it at the book store as well but they’ll have to order it for you.

Okay. What’s going on with the opioid epidemic?? Not much. The news has been quiet. You want to know why? Because the government has been lambasted by the advocacy groups regarding how the chronic illness community is being affected by drastic measures that have been implemented by the FDA. So it looks like we may be going in the right direction.

PLEASE: If you need help with disability, have questions about writing a letter to your local lawmakers, or want to file a complaint against a doctor or emergency room, please message me!! I’m happy to help.

Stay positive, stay strong, and stay healthy; Remember, you have a friend in Providence, Rhode Island. Love you ALL!!

 

 

Crohn’s/Diet..Pain Management

Hey all,

Let’s see…where did we leave off? Oh, I know…what to eat when we’re not in a flare and we want to drop our “love layer.” Remember…don’t mess around with your diet when you’re sick. Wait until you’re in remission. Even if it’s a little remission.

As far as my diet, I don’t eat much. When I eat too much, I feel distended and my stomach hurts. My stomach blows up. I don’t know why a Crohnie’s stomach does that but it happens mostly after certain carbs.

So here’s a list of my foods that I consume the most:

Unsalted rice cakes, protein spread (Hank’s is my favorite. You can order it on Amazon.), reduced sugar grape jelly (I hate jam), plain grilled chicken, steamed brown and white rice, steamed broccoli, steamed veggies (me no likey raw veggies), egg whites and more egg whites, homemade waffles (no oil or butter). I never eat butter or oil or butter and oil together. That’s a death trap for me..and when you go out to eat, you get butter and oil.

So, what I do is I have half a banana on my two unsalted rice cakes with peanut butter protein spread and grape jelly. I never eat REGULAR peanut butter. I would die. Then for lunch, some grilled chicken with a baked sweet or regular potato, then dinner, a piece of plain fish (or as my nail girl calls it: “FIS”) with some steamed veggies. I buy these ice cream balls that have absolutely no flavor and taste like shit but I feel like I’m eating something sweet and naughty. And the word balls is in them so I really feel like I’m doing something naughty..which I can assure you…ain’t nothing goin’ on in this bed.

Don’t forget about your cardio. If you’re trying to lose 50lbs, do CARDIO, CARDIO, CARDIO.

And what do we call the scale??? Bitch..very good. We call the scale “bitch.” Bitch should be in front of your closet.

Now, let’s talk about the pain medication struggles. I have reached out to my senators, my congress people, and most importantly, my local representative. WE ALL HAVE THOSE THREE!! If you want to spread the word, write all of those people with your concerns about pain medication. BUT LISTEN UP…don’t come on too strong. Be subtle, listen to what they have to say. We don’t want to turn anyone off.

Today, I wrote to the chief of my ER. He is now a she. Ugh…I hate dealing with women in power. BUT…I will very, gingerly, approach her and listen to what she has to say. But the fact is, many of us are dependent on pain meds just like we’re dependent on biologics.

Get on different support groups. Read what others are saying. Crohn’s Xplained, Crohn’s Disease Support Group (FOR LADIES ONLY), Crohn’s & Ulcerative Support, Crohn’s & Colitis Belly Buddies, Ulcerative Colitis Crohn’s Disease Support are just some of the few I’m on.

Thank you for the interest in my book…Crohn’s Disease. The C Word..Crohn’s Disease, Court Reporting, and Custody Battles. It should be on Amazon by this Friday. (fingers crossed.) I hope to sell at least three copies.

Listen..stay strong. It seems bad now, but this too shall pass. Things may be different but sometimes change is good. Reach out if you need me. I apologize if I haven’t gotten back to you. But send me a message if you’re sad with the holidays or you just want to talk.

But so help me Christ…if I find out who sent me a pic of their ugly penis, you will be penis-less.

I love you all xoxo

 

 

 

Crohn’s/Fitness/Diet

Hey fellow Crohnies:

I apologize for not blogging sooner about diet and fitness but I’ve been super focused on spreading the word about “our” epidemic regarding the pain medication situation and the shitty care everybody has been receiving in the emergency room. So I’m going to block all that shit out of my head for about an hour and share some tricks of the trade about dieting.

As some of you know, I just competed in the NE Fitness WBFF on November 4th. To be honest, I wasn’t feeling that great and I didn’t think I brought my A-game but I wanted to thank you all for your compliments and your words of encouragement. But, quite frankly, I couldn’t stand to see another f-g picture of me in a bikini on Facebook. All I could see were my imperfections.

I killed myself dieting and training for one straight year and I maintained my weight since last year’s show. That right there was half the challenge. But I still had a shitload of cellulite and no ass. So guess what? I’ll strive even harder over the next year to perfect my imperfections and I’ll be entering the bikini category in November 2018.

All my Crohnies ask me if I gain weight on Remicade and the answer is I haven’t.  Now, some of you may gain a few pounds while on biologics but it should just be a few pounds. And just because we have Crohn’s doesn’t mean we’re guaranteed to be thin. I think that’s a big misconception with the illness. Some people are just thin, genetically. But with Crohn’s, we either shit out pants or we can’t go at all. It’s a “double-edged roll of toilet paper.” I know sometimes I would go to the bathroom INFINITY and then I couldn’t go at all. But….that’s just one of the many benefits that comes with our illness.

When I started on my fitness journey, I was 152 pounds. I stopped getting on the scale after I left the 130s. I always thought the scale was broken. I would even calibrate the scale out of desperation. But, sadly, scales rarely lie. In fact, besides death and taxes, scales are right up there with things you can count on. That’s the bad news. But the good news is I can help you shed some of your “love layer.”

You see, chances are, if you’re on a biologic, you feel good; and when you feel good, you…..EAT!! So that’s part of the reason you probably are gaining weight while on biologics.

And don’t you deserve to eat when you feel healthy? No. No. No. When you’re feeling healthy is the perfect time to tweak your diet. Eating is a self-soothing mechanism. But if I had a man, I would probably have sex instead. (This isn’t the sex blog. Don’t get excited…but definitely read the sex blog.)

Eating only makes you feel good for about five minutes. Then the food euphoria disappears and you hate yourself afterwards. So I made a decision, about two years ago, to stop self-soothing with food. I like my new body and I’m going to keep it. Do I make sacrifices? All the time. But I would rather sacrifice eating bread instead of sleeping on the toilet. And guess what? Bread makes you fat. I don’t care if your bread is gluten free, fat free, calorie free, color free…it’s fucking bread and that’s why Oprah loves it so much.

BEGINNER WEIGHT-LOSS PROGRAM

  1. Weigh yourself daily and leave that “bitch” out. The scale will be referred to as “bitch.” (my colostomy was named “whore.”)
  2. Put the scale in front of your closet. Not the bathroom. (some fitness competitors weigh themselves after they do a two-sie, otherwise known as number 2 or a big poop.)
  3. The scale holds you accountable. And when people say things like, “I lost inches” or “I don’t know why I gained weight when I never eat,” they’re probably not telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
  4. Write down everything you eat. EVERYTHING!! EVERY ITEM THAT GOES IN YOUR MOUTH (NOT THAT, WINK WINK)
  5. Drink water. Not a glass…but an ocean. Drink until you’re pissing your pants or running to get to the bathroom. When you have to pee so badly that you can’t concentrate, then you’re drinking enough. You should have to go tinkle, at least, every 30 minutes at the beginning of your dieting journey.
  6. Don’t eat shit. If it tastes good, it ain’t good.
  7. Make salt-free rice cakes your friend. A really good friend.
  8. Don’t eat out.
  9. Don’t eat out.
  10. Avoid sodium. If you wake up in the morning and your fingers are swollen, you’re taking in too much sodium and you probably ate out.

Now, for the fun part..EXCERCISE!!!!! Just do cardio at the beginning. That’s it. But you can’t walk, leisurely, admiring the sky and all the beauty that surrounds. That doesn’t count. Work up a sweat.

You don’t have to run. I never run. Why run when you can walk? Why stand when you can sit? (MEN: YOU CAN TAKE A LEAK SITTING DOWN. I WON’T TELL!)

I hate running. People love running. My joints hurt so I don’t run.

This actually is the hardest part. In the next few months, you can either take the weight loss journey with me or just read it for run…I mean fun.

(Note: Please get a doctor’s approval before you start any exercise program.)

We have a lot of work ahead of ourselves regarding our pain management epidemic and the new FDA rules and regulations. Let’s stay positive even when it’s hard not to. Message me if you need a friend, if you’re struggling with depression, or struggling with getting disability.

Thank you for inquiring about when my book will be for sale. It will be available on Amazon in the next three weeks.